Not Singular Except in Syllable
by glitterandsmut
Summary: Important moments in each of the Marauders lives. Written for the 2011 LilyJames Fest fic exchange for herbeautifullie for her prompt: Piglet: Pooh, how do you spell love? Pooh: You don't spell it, you feel it.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Not Singular Except in Syllable

**Author:** Dana

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** Important moments in each of the marauders lives. Written for the 2011 LilyJames_Fest fic exchange for herbeautifulie for her prompt: _Piglet: Pooh, how do you spell love? Pooh: You don't spell it, you feel it._

**Disclaimer:** All characters and situations recognizable from cannon are created and owned by J.K. Rowling, and various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended and no profit is being made.

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Many, many thanks go to the wonderful Mary for being a rockstar beta. I own none of the characters here, not even the ones mentioned in the twisted Black family tree. The Potters might not be cannon compliant, but I like to think they were. Please leave your thoughts, criticisms, and comments by hitting that review button below, or check out the original posting and all the other great Lily/James Fest submissions at LilyJames_Fest. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!

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><p>Piglet: Pooh, how do you spell love?<br>Pooh: You don't spell it, you feel it.

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><p>Not ten minutes after the arrival of the Potters, and already the boy's tie was askew, there was a mysterious smudge of <em>something <em>on his trousers,and his hair was a complete mess (though from what Sirius had glimpsed of him earlier it hadn't been much better to begin with).

Sirius didn't believe in first impressions, but suffice it to say his first glimpse of James Potter left him feeling distinctly unimpressed.

Watching the irritated mother fuss over Potter's tie made a complicated mix of emotions swirl in Sirius' stomach. None of which he wanted to look at too closely, all of which only served to irritate him further.

Potter brushed aside his mother's hands with a look of annoyance. The boy was far too used to getting his way, and Sirius never gave anyone their way unless it corresponded with his own. Not to mention Potter was wearing actual gold buttons on his dress robes. Who else but a complete pillock did that?

Sirius rolled his eyes and retreated further into Black Manor as the Potter boy loudly declared his disapproval of how dim the lighting was to his parents.

"Don't they have lamps? Aren't we supposed to have advanced from the nineteenth century? This is the twentieth century, people. Please, keep up!"

"Is that him, then?" Regulus had sidled up to Sirius' side, dodging a couple of gossiping matrons. No need to wonder what-or who- they were suddenly whispering about.

The Potters had always been somewhat of an anomaly to this particular pureblood set. Though they never openly declared themselves muggle lovers, they hadn't exactly spoken against them either, always remaining circumspect. They were either the most decorous of pureblood families, or excellent politicians.

"Hard to believe, isn't it?" Sirius responded wryly, watching as the disheveled Potter boy snatched up a handful of delicate finger foods from the nearest house elf's serving tray, popping one into his mouth, and slipping the rest into his pocket.

Regulus scoffed and shook his head. "Why were they even invited? I thought the Potters were supposed to be blood traitors. No better than the Weasleys." He sneered, an echo of their family's prejudices stamped onto his small face.

Sirius gave him a warning look as the family in question passed through the entrance hall and swept by them into the parlor. When they'd disappeared, he murmured "It's never really been proven, and you know how Mother feels about alienating any pureblood family. Especially ones like the Potters."

He straightened as their parents passed them, his tie feeling uncomfortably tight. Only when he could no longer feel his mother's presence itching between his shoulder blades did he resume. "Mrs. Potter also happens to be Grandfather Pollux's sister, so you know Grandmother Irma had to invite them. The woman's desperate to have some form of entertainment."

Apparently, living in Scotland in social exile with her insane sister-in-law had given Grandmother Irma far too much time on her hands. And so this soiree was in honor of Beltane, which was really just a nice way of saying it was an opportunity to gather around and bemoan the state of other pureblood families.

Sirius himself wasn't really sure what a regular Beltane celebration was suppose to entail, but he was certain it had something to do with a large pole representing a giant willy. When he tried telling this to Mother he received one of her blistering lectures (literally) and was promptly sent to bed without dinner.

"I don't blame her. What in Merlin's bollocks is there to do in Scotland?"

"There's sheep, I suppose. But you'd know about that better than me, wouldn't you, Regulus?"

His brother grimaced. "It could've been you, you know. Just because both our names have been in the family forever, I don't see why I had to have been named after the nutter who did _things_ to sheep. It could easily have been you." Sirius sniggered as his brother went for the perfect sulk, arms crossed and scowling.

The Potter boy had vanished from his spot near the house elf, leaving behind only a few tidbits on the serving tray. Sirius glanced around just in time to watch the back of the other boy's head disappear into a darkened doorway. He stared after him curiously, his feet already propelling him forward, and he hissed for his brother to wait for him a moment as he started after Potter.

Regulus straightened, frowning as he called out. "Where are you going?"

Sirius continued on without hearing him.

He entered an unlit hallway, a thudding sound drawing him towards the other end. As he neared the last door his foot came down on a small, hard object, drawing his gaze. A gold button. He reached down to pluck it off the ground and held it up to catch the shine of any wayward light. It glinted in his hand, polished and perfect; a speck of brightness that didn't belong in the middle of dreary Black Manor.

Sirius pocketed the button and eyed the slightly ajar door suspiciously. It could only be Potter inside but a moment's uncertainty gave Sirius pause. Fervently hoping he was not interrupting someone removing their robes or, Merlin save him, more than one person taking off their clothes, he slowly inched the door open.

Preparing to bolt in the opposite direction if need be, he poked his head into what looked like a large and dusty library. Someone had placed a lit candle on the edge of a desk at the far end of the room, though it did little to provide illumination. Sirius entered cautiously, moving towards the candle as he looked around for the other boy. A thump sounded from behind him and he whirled around to see a book sail through the air to join a small but rapidly growing pile of other books.

"Oi!" Sirius called, as he watched another book join the pile.

A familiar head of messy hair peeked out at him from behind the bookshelf as the owner squinted at him. "Hullo, do I know you?"

Sirius never bothered to answer stupid questions and he wasn't about to start now. "What are you doing?"

Potter blinked at him and looked at the book in his hand as if noticing it for the first time. "This? Isn't it obvious? I'm throwing books over my shoulder." He gave Sirius a sharp look. "Rather stupid question to ask, isn't it?"

Sirius brushed off his rising aggravation. "But why are you tossing them over your shoulder? Are you having some sort of fit?" Sirius hoped not, it wouldn't do to be caught in a room with a crazy person. "Is this a desperate cry for attention?" Though, considering the madness of the Black family tree, he supposed he'd be in good company.

Potter gave him an odd look, which was hard to pull off, as he was still squinting. "No," he said slowly, as though he were the one trapped with a madman. "I'm looking for hidden passageways, like in the stories."

"What in Merlin's beard do hidden passageways have to do with throwing books?" Sirius demanded, taking in Potter's messy appearance. Merlin and Agrippa, the boy had somehow lost his robes and his shirt was missing several buttons now. Sirius' hand went to the pocket he'd slipped the gold button in, but reconsidered taking it out as he continued. "And you can't just go prancing around without your clothes on. This is a public gathering. Do the people a service and keep yourself clothed."

Potter's expression turned puzzled. "I'm hardly naked, am I?" He glanced down and then seemed to disregard his own questions as he continued, not waiting for a response. "Anyway, I thought this was a Beltane celebration. Isn't there suppose to be some sort of prancing around with poles or something?"

"It's only one pole."

"Why a pole at all? Why can't people prance around broomsticks? And then the last person prancing wins the broom."

"Because, you barmpot, the pole is supposed to be in honor of giant willies everywhere."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I still like the broom idea better."

They grinned at each other and Sirius joined him in front of the bookshelf. "So, why were you leaving buttons everywhere in the hall?"

"Not everywhere, just here and there. I didn't have any bread so I'm using buttons in case I get lost. You know, like that one story."

Sirius shook his head as Potter continued to pull random books off the shelf, squinting at the covers and eyeing the remaining ones. "What sort of mad stories are you reading? And would you stop squinting like that, you look like you're on the toilet. It's giving me a headache."

Potter blinked and muttered morosely, "It's my glasses; I'm not wearing them."

"Well put them on, before your face gets stuck like that and I'm forced to look at it." Sirius watched as Potter reached into his dress robes and pulled out a pair of round glasses. Regarding them with much reluctance, he unfolded them gingerly.

"I'll look like a swot."

"You are a swot. Now put them on."

The glasses looked delicate but expensive; obviously the best money could buy. They fit Potter's face rather nicely, or perhaps it was he was no longer squinting that made him look better. Either way, Sirius nodded his approval.

"See? You look much better. If only you could fix your hair you might have a shot at looking half way human." Sirius turned to look at the bookshelf as Potter's hand shot into his hair. Only certain titles had been pulled, at what seemed like random intervals. "What are you doing with the books?"

"I'm looking for secret passageways. In the stories there are always secret passageways in the evil bloke's castle. And in order to get to them there's a book you have to pull from a shelf that opens up the door. It's in tons of muggle mysteries, you know."

Sirius blinked at him. "That's barmy."

Potter grinned gleefully at him. "I know, aren't muggles brilliant?" He resumed pulling books from the shelf with renewed excitement.

Sirius watched him, a troubled expression on his face. "Don't you get in trouble for doing that? Reading muggle filth?"

Potter paused and looked at him wide-eyed. "Why would I get in trouble? It's ace! We've got a whole shelf of muggle books in our library, but I convinced Mum and Dad to add an extra case of them. I hate reading anything twice and they know it, so I knew they wouldn't say no. Not that they could. Who could possibly resist me?" He gave Sirius his most charming smile, and it was so ridiculous Sirius imagined people indulged him simply for his effusiveness.

With a shake of his head, Sirius began helping him pull books off the shelves. "You know, I reckon you could give my Uncle Cygnus a run for his money in the mental department."

Though Sirius was extremely doubtful of their mission ("Why books? Why can't it be as simple as a wand combination?"), he nevertheless helped Potter pull as many suspicious looking books from the shelves around them as they could. When their search yielded nothing, they went around tapping every surface with the tips of their wands. When they had exhausted all ideas, pulled everything they could pull, and tapped everything they could tap, the two boys decided to call it quits.

They sat on the floor side by side with their backs to an empty bookshelf. Potter had pulled out a box of Bertie Botts, which he graciously shared with Sirius.

"Bugger all," he said thoughtfully, popping a bean into his mouth. "I'm disappointed. I thought for sure your mental family would have some dark passageways, maybe an evil lair or two."

Sirius snorted "It's your family, too. We're first cousins, once removed."

Potter looked at him sideways. "I reckon all purebloods are somehow related. And they're not really my family; at least not in any way that counts." Sirius was slightly alarmed to feel a pang of disappointment as Potter rooted through the beans in his hand to find one he liked. "How do you know all this stuff anyways? About who's related to whom?"

Sirius' sneer was at once pompous and bitter to match his tone. "I'm the Black heir; it's my purpose in life to know who's who."

Potter chewed thoughtfully and seemed to come to a decision. "Well, they'll never be my family, but I suppose you're okay."

Sirius busied himself with examining his own handful of beans. Potter was alright, he thought.

A soft beeping noise interrupted the quiet, and Potter scowled as he reached for his pocket and removed a pocket watch. A small light was flashing red as the beeping persisted until he pressed the button on top of the watch.

"Your parents put a leash on you?" Sirius asked incredulously.

Potter sighed as he mumbled. "They said it's because I'm always running off; safety and all that rubbish." Leashes were spelled into any object of choice and were used to keep track of young children. Usually rather pricey, they were mainly used by important political families. "Guess we're going home." He stood and Sirius stood with him. They moved rather reluctantly down the corridor, emerging into the entry hall where Charlus and Dorea Potter stood awaiting their son.

Potter turned toward Sirius and stuck out his hand. "Best party you've ever had with this old lot, I bet. We'll have to do it again, sometime. How's Hogwarts this year sound?"

Sirius smirked at him as he shook his hand. "Sounds like Hogwarts is never going to be the same again."

They grinned at each other until Potter's parents called for him. As he made his way towards them he loudly declared, "Mother, Father, I've decided to quit this place. These people are all frauds." To which, his mother exclaimed in astonishment over the state of his robes and hair. It wasn't until they turned to leave that Sirius realized that they had never even given each other their names.

Regulus slipped in next to Sirius as he watched the Potters depart. "Where were you? And why are your robes so dusty?"

Sirius absently patted at his clothes in surprise. "Are they? I hadn't noticed."

Regulus stared at him in shock. "Hadn't noticed? But you always notice! And why did you shake Potter's hand? I thought we didn't like him."

Sirius didn't answer, his fingers playing with the small gold button inside his pocket. He couldn't have said what it was he felt at that moment, and he didn't want to look at it too closely. But in later years, if he was pressed to describe it, he'd say it was a lot like love.


	2. Chapter 2

Remus wasn't quite sure of all the details but he was certain it all began with chemical warfare.

He'd been down for his usual set of potions in the hospital wing and was just heading up to the Gryffindor common room. The day leading up to the full moon always left him tired and achy, and like an old man, the pain in his joints was only made worse in the cold weather. Silently rehearsing his excuse for the lads, he gave the password to the fat lady and stepped through the portrait hole just in time to watch as Peter leapt up from the couch by the fire and raced upstairs.

Remus' gaze slid from Peter's rapidly retreating back towards James, who sat finishing off some Charms homework as though nothing unusual had happened. James glanced up at him, an odd sort of expression on his face. Remus couldn't quite place the look until he realized it was carefully blank, a foreign expression for James Potter. He felt nervous, even as James went back to his homework.

"What's wrong with Peter?" he asked, when it was clear James wasn't going to say anything.

"Sirius was upset with him." James replied, not even bothering to look up.

"I didn't think that would be so upsetting for Peter. It usually isn't." Remus looked rather concerned as he glanced back towards the boys' staircase. "Should we say something to him?"

James snorted as he dipped his quill into his inkwell. "You can, but I wouldn't go up there just now."

"Why? Do you reckon he's having a cry or something?"

"No, he's got the shits."

"…Oh."

They'd recently been given an assignment in potions to brew the simpler remedies that had been developed and influenced by chemical warfare during World War I, but Sirius had decided to submit a laxative potion as his project. When asked why, Sirius had replied that had these been used on enemy forces there'd have been no war as everyone would be too busy having bowel movements.

He later demonstrated this by sneaking half a vial of the concoction into a pitcher of pumpkin juice at the Slytherin table that evening. Ever since then, Sirius kept as small vial of the potion in his pocket. "For emergency response to gits," he'd said.

James stopped writing long enough to look up at Remus and give him a smirk. "I wouldn't worry for Peter if I were you. Sirius has first dibs on the bathroom tonight."

"_Oh_," Remus paused to consider that irony. "Gross." he replied, appreciatively. He set his knapsack down next to the spot Peter had abandoned and took out his own books.

"All set for tomorrow then?" James asked.

Remus froze, a flare of panic striking him stupid for a moment. "What?"

"For tomorrow," James continued, when Remus remained quiet. "You said you need to look up something for Potions tomorrow. Yes?"

"Yes!" Remus sputtered. "Yes, of course. It was on Brackford's law for-"

"Please!" James interrupted with a pained look. "Isn't it enough we'll be taking the exam tomorrow? Must we talk about it in our spare time as well?"

Remus chuckled, relief turning it a bit strained. And though James gave him a rather puzzled look he didn't pursue it like he would have with Sirius. Remus was relieved and, deep down in a place he never looked at too closely, also slightly disappointed.

The portrait hole banged open and they both looked up to find Sirius walking toward them with a look of annoyance on his patrician face. He exchanged a look with James and Remus couldn't help the feeling he was being left out of something. He brushed it off as his own paranoia as Sirius took in Peter's absence and Remus' appearance.

"And where have you been?" James demanded. "You missed Peter. I thought you liked viewing the result of your dirty work."

"Forget about that, we've got to get into the potions storeroom tomorrow night. Sluggy's guarding the place like the royal treasury." Sirius scowled as he threw himself into the armchair next to Remus.

"What do you need potion ingredients for?" Remus asked.

"Because Peter's a tosspot and had to knock over my supply of laxative potion, so now I've got to do the whole thing over again."

James rolled his eyes. "Hasn't it gotten old by now? We can't afford to be so predictable; it's bad for our image."

Sirius' mouth opened to retort but stopped as they all watched Peter slowly make his way down the boys' staircase, a disgruntled look on his face. Halfway down he froze and turned to race back up the stairs.

"Nope," Sirius said. "Still hasn't gotten old. So! Tomorrow, we'll have a go at the store room, yeah?"

James let out a much put upon sigh. "Fine, but only because you amuse me."

Remus hesitated. What evasion could he offer up this time? The boys always did their mischief during dinner or long after. If he was lucky he might be able to squeeze it in before nightfall. Remus regarded the fire doubtfully as the old familiar fear and panic rose up to do a meet and greet in his chest. He hid his expression before James or Sirius could comment by ducking down to pull a fresh quill from his bag.

They all got to work on various assignments but the ensuing companionable silence did nothing to lesson his mood, and by the time Peter joined them he was in such a state he could barely manage to put quill to parchment.

"All right, Remus?"

Remus glanced up to see Peter looking at him in concern. He gave what he hoped was a reassuring smile, though he knew from Peter's expression that he'd failed. "I'm all right. Just a bit tired."

Sirius dropped his quill as though the words were a signal and stretched. "I'm for bed as well. Let's leave this rubbish for breakfast tomorrow. Peter, you can copy my transfiguration."

They all packed up and trudged up to bed, going about their nightly rituals. Sirius gave Remus a concerned look on his way to the lavatory, but didn't say anything. James was the one to speak instead.

"Are you sure you're all right Remus? You look a bit peaky."

"It's nothing, I haven't been feeling-"

Remus was abruptly cut off at Sirius' disgusted shout from the lav. "Peter!"

"It's your fault!"

James' pressing question was forgotten in the ensuing laughter, Sirius cursing and Peter looking smug.

The next day found Remus hiding in the library before dinner and Lily Evans standing in front of him with look of extreme disquiet on her face. She was a very nice girl with rather pretty eyes, though for some reason she was friends with that horrible Snape. Remus supposed even the nicest people had their own problems.

"Remus, I really think you should go to the hospital wing. You don't look very well." She reached out a hand and felt his forehead. The contact startled Remus, who'd never had a stranger touch him before. Her frown deepened. "You feel a little warm, too. Let's go," Lily said decisively. "I'm taking you to the hospital wing. No don't bother; I'll come back for your books. Just leave them there; I'll bring them to you after you're settled."

There was just no point in arguing with the girl. If the finality of Lily's tone didn't persuade him to go, then the utter wretchedness he was feeling would have.

His alibi for that night would just have to wait.

As always, when he reached the hospital wing he was bundled up and escorted to the Headmaster's office, and then out to the Whomping Willow, down the dark tunnels to the Shrieking Shack, where he was left alone. And as always, Remus was possessed by the same urge that had taken him as a child, to plead his parents to stay, just for a little while; to cry or rage or something to release the utter anguish and fear that filled his chest. Instead, he walked up the stairs and curled up on the single bed, bunching the blankets in his fists as close around him as he could. He waited for the monster to take over his mind as surely as it had taken over so much of his life.

The next morning found Remus scratched, bleeding, and exhausted. He was laying naked on the rug in the living room, the destruction of the furniture around him a testament to the night before. Sighing and rising wearily, he walked over to his the pile of clothes he'd shed the previous night, feeling very old and forlorn.

When he was ready, he crept back down into the tunnel, gritting his teeth against the strain on his body. He met Madam Pomfrey outside of the Whomping Willow, where she promptly handed him a potion for healing and minor pain relief before escorting him the rest of the way to the Hospital Wing. Remus was cradling his right arm against his chest, an over large bite wound bleeding anew from his movement that morning. He crawled into bed, just barely summoning the energy to hoist himself up on the mattress.

Having given him all the potions and remedies deemed acceptable, Madam Pomfrey left him to his rest. They'd be seeing much of each other for the next three days, and so there was no need for thanks. Remus offered his anyway, his voice barely audible through the scratchiness in his throat. Lying back against the pillows, Remus felt a bone deep exhaustion. He didn't know how he was going to spend the rest of his life doing this.

It was around this time that doors to the hospital wing creaked open and Remus, feeling a burst of panic, remembered he'd forgotten about his friends. Whispers floated in and Remus turned his head curiously. For a moment there was no one there, and quite suddenly James' head popped up out of thin air.

"The coast is clear," he hissed, and his invisibility cloak was thrown off to reveal Sirius and Peter, too.

Remus was at a loss at what to say. Were they here to exact revenge for his missing out on last night's adventure? And how in Merlin's name was he going to explain all his wounds? He decided to start with the basics and pray he could make up the rest as he went along.

"What," he tried clearing his throat but it did nothing to help with the hoarseness. "What are you all doing here?"

Peter lifted up a sack and cheerfully said. "We've brought provisions."

He remained silent as his friends set up around him, taking out snacks and breakfast looking foods, as well as warm tea and a stack of cards. Sirius dragged up a chair and James and Peter climbed up on the bed.

"But what are you all doing here?" Remus repeated.

"We talked about it, and we've decided that this is just not right, mate. You can't keep leaving us out every time the moon's full." James said, with authority.

"Yeah," Sirius interjected in outrage. "How do think it makes us feel? You going off and having adventures without us."

Remus was at a loss of what to say.

"So we've decided what we're going to do about it. It's brilliant. We've been researching for weeks and you'll never believe it but Sirius and James reckon it's possible. They'll have to help me of course but-"

"Wait," Remus interrupted, his brow furrowed as he tried to wrap his exhausted mind around what was happening. "Just wait. What are you all going on about? Why are you here? How are you here?"

The three boys sitting around him exchanged glances, and when they looked back at him it was James who proceeded.

"We know, Remus." James said gently.

"You know?" Remus repeated, his mind frantically trying to provide explanations behind what they were saying.

"We've known for a while, mate." Sirius said simply, like he'd made an observation on the weather.

"Well not really, at least we didn't really _know_ **know** until last night. But now that we know for sure we've got the perfect solution." Peter said excitedly.

Remus' head felt as though someone had landed a very solid blow to it and had rendered him temporarily both deaf and dumb. There was a buzzing in his ears and he could hear the hollow sounds of the sea rushing in and out and in again. He vaguely heard a high pitched voice asking rather hysterically. "What do you know? How do you know?"

"Oh, don't look so shocked, Remus, as if you could keep a secret from us." Sirius scoffed.

James was quick to try and soothe Remus' fears. "It took us months to figure out something was off. And even when we followed you, we never managed to make it past Dumbledore's office. It's like he puts a confundus spell up when he takes you out. So we figured our best chance at catching you was to hide outside on the grounds." This did nothing to alleviate Remus' anxiety, but all the same there was a deep unclenching inside of his chest, a relief that relaxed something inside of him. For better or for worse, he was just so dammed relieved that someone else knew.

"So we did it last night; skipped dinner and everything." Peter said proudly.

"So all that stuff, Peter knocking over Sirius' laxative potion, Sirius being upset and wanting us to go steal potion ingredients, it was all a lie?" asked Remus, a strange sort of calm beginning to descend over him.

"No, that was all true. But you could say it was an opportunity." James grinned.

They'd planned to sneak out during dinner time, only they were caught out by Professor McGonagall who'd been late going down to dinner. After a brief scolding ("You boys had better not be up to any more marauding this year. You are no longer first years and your tomfoolery will not be looked at so leniently."), she had taken house points for James' cheek ("But Professor, don't you realize that marauding is our calling? We're marauders, we maraud, marauding is what we do."); and upon discovering Sirius and Peter red handed with stolen potions vials in their pockets ("Peter!" "How was I supposed to know that the two ingredients combined were going to leak out and eat through my pocket?"), they'd all been awarded detentions.

It still didn't stop them from sneaking out to wait and watch as Remus descended into the tunnels beneath the Whomping Willow. They'd camped outside until morning to await his return and slipped back inside the entrance hall, where they ran into an exasperated Professor McGonagall, earning a second detention in less the twenty four hours.

"And so my friend, we come bearing provisions for the next leg of our monthly adventures together." James announced, taking out books and holding one up in triumph.

Remus leaned forward as best as he could and read _Animagus Transfigūrāre._

"See, we found out that your furry little problem doesn't extend to other furry little things. So why not be furry little things ourselves?" James continued in his usual James speak, Peter picking up his train of thought as he took a book James passed over to him, sending another one on to Sirius.

"Only it won't work if we just try to transfigure ourselves or each other, your nose is too keen for that. We needed a way to make our scents smell genuinely like animals. The only way to trick our DNA into doing that would be to physically will ourselves into having another type of DNA."

"Voila, we'll become animagi." Sirius said, with a flourish of the book in his hand.

Remus became aware of pain shooting up his right arm and he looked down to find that he'd clenched both hands into fists during their talk. Here they were discussing his lifelong misery, his disfigurement, the fact that he was a monster with all the ease of their next prank. Not only were they not running for Dumbledore and writing home to have their parents demand he be expelled immediately, they wanted to help him.

"I can't let you do this." Remus said faintly. "You all can't do this."

Sirius reached for a sugar quill. "Sure we can. Well, maybe not Peter, but James and I will help him, don't worry."

Remus let out a strangled sound. "No, you really can't do this. If you're caught it doesn't mean just expulsion or points, it'll be actual prison time. Not to mention if something goes wrong and I hurt one of you, or all of you-"

"We want to do this. And think about it Remus, you won't have to be alone anymore." Peter insisted.

Remus wavered at the words. It was such a tempting idea, so very tempting to think it could work. But it was very risky, too risky. "I've always been alone. I'm used to it," he said with false bravado. "It's just too dangerous. There are so many things that could go wrong, and if someone finds out…"

"We won't let them." James soothed.

"I can't let you all take that risk for me."

Sirius snorted. "Who says we're doing it for you? I, for one, have always wanted to be a criminal."

"You're not going to win this one, Remus." James said with utter confidence, reaching over to snag a box of Bertie Botts from the pile of snacks.

Remus, too tired to fight or do much else, brought his hands up to cover his face. The other boys went on doing their separate things as though nothing was out of the ordinary, and for that he was grateful.

He wasn't crying; there were no tears in the entire world to express what he was feeling at that moment, but that was okay because he was feeling something so profound his heart felt constricted and light at the same time. And if he awoke a little while later to the sound of Lily Evans and James bickering by his bedside, well that was okay, too; because for the first time in his life, Remus Lupin was no longer alone.


	3. Chapter 3

Peter wasn't one for romantic entanglements. Other than a few kisses and some brief fumbling, the sum of his knowledge on such things only extended to the stories his friends relayed. So it was with considerable consternation and horror that he found himself wedged underneath the Charms professors' desk, while the two students snogging on top of it did their best to expand upon the subject.

He cursed his entire situation, Sirius Black for taking James' invisibility cloak, and most especially the two randy idiots on the desk. Shifting his knees in an effort to get more comfortable against the stone floor, Peter peered around for a way, any way, to get out of there.

To his vast relief, and just in time by the heated sounds of things, the door opened and an amused feminine voice sounded in the classroom.

"Williams and Hill, what would Professor Flitwick say?"

There were some scrambling noises as the two lovebirds put themselves to rights and Peter grimaced. Thankful as he was for being rescued for their display, he would have rather gone without knowing the faces that went along with the noises.

"As much as I really don't care what you do on your spare time, I'm sure there's a better place and time to do it. Go on, up to your dorms, curfew and all that tosh."

Peter didn't dare peek around the desk, but there was just enough room between the bottom of it and the floor that if he laid one ear flat to the ground he could see a bit of the room. There was some grumbling and huffing and a bit of embarrassed shuffling as the snogging couple exited the room, but the girl remained inside the classroom. She sighed and Peter could make out a prefect's badge pinned to her robes. She moved closer and he felt a rising panic with every step she took towards the front of the room. What possible explanation could he give if she found him without looking like some sick pervert?

James could talk his way out of anything and after almost five years of being mates with him one would think some of that might rub off. Unfortunately it looked like that was just a false hope.

The girl came to stand right in front of the desk and Peter cowered, tucking himself into as small of a ball as he could manage. He cast a thought toward his animagus form but discarded the idea. He was still too inexperienced to pull it off successfully and the sound of effort might just attract her attention. He watched in horror as she crouched down to pick up the objects that had been knocked off the desk. As she replaced them the door to the classroom opened for a second time.

"Severus?"

"Lily, you came."

There was a pregnant pause and Peter cursed his luck. If only he just eaten his Honeydukes sweets instead of going down to the kitchens, he wouldn't be stuck here with his knees aching and forced to listed to whatever serious conversation that was about to take place.

"Of course I came," Evans replied with false lightness. "Why wouldn't I come? I mean, we're friends, it's not like lately you've been keeping our friendship your dirty little secret."

Snape flinched. "Of course we're friends. I just meant I wasn't sure you would. Lately you've been… well." Peter didn't care what she'd been, nor did he particularly want to know, but he figured James might.

"I've been what, Severus? Upset? Disappointed? Overreacting?"

"It didn't mean anything. The lads are just-"

"That's it!" Lily said exasperatedly, and not in an affectionate way. "You always make excuses for your nasty friends. You know how I feel about them. Since you've become all chummy with Rosier and Wilkes, I barely know you anymore."

"I-"

"I know what you and your friends did to McKenna Green." Evans continued in a quieter voice. "It was horrible. Severus, how could you do that? Especially after the hard time she's been having with her parents-"

"It was just a joke; just for laughs. It's not like we did anything to her that Potter and his friends wouldn't have done." A bite of acid joined in with the desperate note in Snape's voice.

"And that's another thing. I don't understand why the two of you just can't ignore each other. He's not so bad, Severus." Peter was shocked to hear the slight pleading tone in Evans' voice. He hadn't been aware there was any change in her regard for James. As far as he knew she'd maintained a healthy disgust for him. Apparently that wasn't the case.

"Not so bad? How can you, of all people, stand there and tell me he's not so bad?"

"He's a tosser, I know. But there's more to him than that, I'm sure of it. How else could you explain why he's got such great friends?"

"More to him? iMore/i to him?" Snape sputtered. "There's nothing more to Potter than a fat Gringotts vault and a wand. As for Black, he's nothing but an inbred bedlamite. And those other two aren't even worth mentioning, just a couple of sycophants."

"Remus happens to be my friend, and you're wrong about Potter. He's really rather all right." She trailed off uncertainly and the silence was frosty.

"Been hanging around Potter, have you?" There was a silky edge to Snape's voice that sounded more dangerous than his earlier anger.

"And what if I have? We're in the same house; we see a lot of each other. Isn't that the same as what you said to me?"

"No," He replied sharply. "It most decidedly is not."

"You're right," Evans replied quietly. "It's worse. No matter how stupid or immature, at least he and his friends don't actually hurt people."

"Don't actually hurt people?" Snape's voice was raised in anger, again. "Are we talking about the same git in your house? What about all the shit he's done in the last five years?"

"Pranks! They were all just stupid, childish pranks, Severus. Can't we just move on?"

"He's brainwashed you." The incredulity was almost tangible. "I can't believe he's gotten to you, too."

"He hasn't done anything, Severus. Why can't you just admit that people grow up; people change. Maybe it's time you did as well." She brushed past Snape towards the door, but Severus' soft voice stopped her from completely exiting.

"He'll disappoint you." he said, with a complete lack of emotion. "He might seem okay on the surface but pretty soon he'll disappoint you. And then you'll see just how horrible he really is."

She left and Snape viciously kicked one of the chairs before sinking down into one with his head in his hands.

Peter bit his lip and waited until Snape left before uncurling his stiff body and racing back up to his dorm. Remus was flipping through a textbook and glanced over at him curiously as Peter flopped face down on his bed.

"You were gone for ages. Are you all right?"

Peter groaned into his pillow. He was silent for a long moment before deciding what to say. "Remus, am I a sycophant?"

Remus looked amused. "Peter, would a sycophant be able to complete an animagus transformation at the same time as James and Sirius?"

"I didn't though," Peter mumbled. "I still can't get it right. And they always helped me loads, you know that."

Remus sighed. "Just trust me, Peter; I know how it is to feel like just a hanger-on."

Peter turned his head to the side to look at Remus. "But that's different. You've got your problem and even still you're just like Padfoot and Prongs. At the heart of things you're all adventurers and I'm the bloke telling you all to be careful."

"Caution has its uses as well, Wormtail. We'd be a mess without it." Remus tried, but in the end Peter went to bed with a sense of dissatisfaction. It didn't help when Sirius and James came crashing in a little while later, laughing over whatever shenanigans they'd been up to that night.

The next morning found Peter in an even worse mood. On his way to breakfast he'd overheard a group of girls twittering on about his friends, most particularly Sirius. It was nothing new, girls were always talking or giggling about Sirius, but what made it different was that after discussing the merits of his friends' features they'd included him in the conversation. To say the least, it was not flattering.

"I don't understand why they let him hang around; he's nothing but a bumsucker." One of the girls scoffed as the other sniggered.

Peter slunk into the great hall and plopped himself down at the Gryffindor table. The other marauders were already working their way through breakfast. Nothing looked particularly appetizing, but he spooned himself a bowl of porridge anyway. Remus shot him a sympathetic look as Peter dragged his spoon through his bowl without taking a bite.

"Peter, you'll never believe what we found last night. Sirius-" James started excitedly, but Peter was in no mood to hear about the fantastic things he obviously had no part in.

"James, I'd rather not listen to it right now. Thanks," he interrupted; scooping up some porridge and watching it dribble back into the bowl. James exchanged a confused look with Sirius.

"Well, all right. But we were waiting for you to get started. That's why we came back so early last night."

Peter snorted. "Why would you need me? You and Sirius are perfectly capable of pulling off pranks on your own. Don't need my help." He half mumbled. Peter knew he was being a prick, but at that moment he didn't really care.

"What a load of bollocks, of course we need you. What the hell do you think we keep you around for, decoration? We need your sneak skills. Wouldn't go very far without them, would we?" Sirius scowled in annoyance and reached for his morning coffee. "Stop being a git, you sound like Snivellus."

Remus grinned and Peter felt his lips quirk upwards in an answering smile. Sirius wasn't gentle but he had a way of getting to the heart of things.

James poured Peter a glass of pumpkin juice from across the table. "We don't let just anyone call themselves a marauder, you know. We wouldn't trade you in for two more of me or Sirius." James winked at him. James Potter always seemed to come off as one of the most self absorbed people to anyone who didn't know him, but sometimes it even surprised Peter how much the bloke actually saw.

"Possibly Remus," Sirius said, contemplatively.

"And we didn't call ourselves marauders," Remus said wryly. "It was Professor McGonagall who did. You just decided to use it because you know it drives her mad."

James grinned at him. "Well, yeah, but that's just a perk, I swear."

It was stupid, or at least it should have been. It was such a small, stupid thing to get emotional over. If any of them knew how much their words meant to him, they didn't show it as they went back to eating their breakfasts and joking over inconsequential things.

Peter's eyes began to water and he looked down into his porridge, sniffing as he ducked his head to hide his tears. Sirius began to get that look of unease and Peter, well aware of Sirius's lack of patience for tears, attempted to eat and alleviate them.

"All right, Peter?" Sirius asked, still eyeing him with suspicion. Peter gritted his teeth as he swallowed a thick, painful lump of gratitude, relief, and porridge as Sirius continued with hesitation. "You're not…?"

"No!" He gasped before Sirius could continue. "No, it's just-" Peter searched for something to describe the coalescing happiness building up in his chest and welling from his eyes. His face crinkled up as tears began to flow down his cheeks. "It's just the best damn porridge I've ever had." He choked out before bursting into tears as he fled the great hall, leaving behind said porridge and an astonished looking Sirius.

James dumped another heap of eggs onto his plate as he shook his head. "Well thank Merlin he didn't get to the waffles yet. Can't imagine what he'd do after a bite of those."


	4. Chapter 4

James had to wonder about bad habits. So much had changed in his life over his sixth year but the things that remained constant were the bad habits he'd accumulated. He still dog-eared his pages, he couldn't leave his hair alone, he was still in love with Lily Evans, and he still brooded about it all. Well, not so much the pages. But certainly about the hair bit.

Everyone had already gone to bed and the resounding silence in the common room suited his mood. All the candles were unlit, the only source of light coming from the crackling fireplace.

"Why is it that every time I find you alone you're always in a dark room?"

James looked up to see Sirius saunter in through the portrait hole and collapse into the armchair next to him. He reached up to completely unknot his already loose school tie, something that he rarely wore. The last time James had seen Sirius wear a tie properly had been at a Beltane gathering before Hogwarts.

Sirius didn't say anything, recognizing James' need to brood. Instead, he brought his feet up to rest on the coffee table in front of him, slouching further into the armchair. James knew for a fact that Sirius had perfect posture, but he was always slouching or sprawling or leaning, as though these little everyday rebellions were just one more way to wave two fingers at his family.

They sat there in silence, James staring into the fire and Sirius thinking about whatever it was he was thinking about. James sighed and Sirius looked over at him. There was a pause that was broken by, "Exploding snap?"

"Yeah."

Sirius summoned the common room cards, a special deck the Marauders had enhanced to shoot minor spells and insults in their third year. They'd donated the deck to the common room, a contribution to the betterment of young society, where it was still popular among third years.

They were quiet as they played, dodging and brushing aside various sparks and verbal abuse until James set his cards down.

"_Minger!_" The cards squeaked up at him.

Sirius spoke before James could start. "She used to fancy you a bit in fifth year, you know." He said, looking over his cards casually.

James blinked. "What?"

"Halfway through fifth year," Sirius drew another card from the deck. "I thought for certain it would have happened back then, but she was so upset over Snivellus. No surprise there, the two of you seem to get off on torturing each other."

"_Bollocks!"_

James opened his mouth to defend himself but Sirius cut him off. "No, I don't even want to try to understand it. I'm buggered in the romance department and you know it. But either way, it wasn't going to happen in sixth year either." Sirius had given up his pretense of playing and sat staring at his cards instead. "I won't deny I was brassed off with the bint last year; you had enough going on without all her shit on top of it. But she was good for you, she was there when I wasn't." He admitted grudgingly.

"_Knackers!_"

Sirius fixed James with a look. "It didn't happen in fifth year, and it didn't happen last year, and it's a damn good thing it didn't. If the both of you hadn't gone through all that rubbish you'd never be in a place to forgive the people you used to be." Sirius set down his cards and stretched his arms out nonchalantly. "I ought to know, you forgave me."

They sat there in silence, the game forgotten. James glanced back a Sirius. "Barmpot."

Sirius snorted. "Pillock."

_"Plonker!"_

One of the cards let out a bang and smoke wafted from the deck. Sirius fanned the smoke away from his face. "Oh bugger, off. You'll be late for rounds, Head Boy. Give our love to the Head Girl and don't balls it up."

James cracked a grin at him and rose to leave.

"It'll happen, Prongs." Sirius said as he too rose to go in the opposite direction. "You've got better luck this time."

James watched his friend bound up the boys' staircase and shook his head as he turned to ascend the stairs to the portrait. He was meeting Lily outside of the great hall and he knew he was already late. He thought about Sirius' words on the way down, and they left him feeling slightly nostalgic. Lily was waiting for him, her hands smoothing over her skirt. She looked sweet and feminine, and pretty, as always.

It was the night before all the students were to leave Hogwarts for Christmas hols, and as no prefect wanted to deal with the ensuing excitement it was left to the head boy and girl to do patrols. But the castle was quiet, unusually so.

"You were a complete plague on me." James said flatly.

"I was a plague? I'm fairly certain it was you who was completely beastly all those years." Lily said primly. James shook his head.

"Well, can you blame me? You, a muggle born from nothing and nowhere, you came in here and you told me exactly what you thought of me. I've never met anyone with more audacity than you, Lily Evans."

"For your information, I'm from Cokeworth. And someone had to do it."

He laughed.

It had taken him a year to figure out just what he felt for Lily Evans, and it had taken her longer to figure out how they both fit together. James was convinced that they would be something glorious.

But they weren't there yet, and he knew it.

"So, Cokeworth?" James said lightly, and a thousand things were both said and unsaid.

"Yeah," Lily replied, the same strain in her voice that had been there for weeks. "It's a quiet place. Not much excitement, but its home."

They were silent, something stretching taut between them in the velvet darkness. They rounded into an empty corridor, the large windows casting shadows and bathing long stretches of stone floors in moonlight. All was quiet except for the sound of their footsteps, and James took a brief moment to watch her legs move curiously in sync with his. His mother had once told him that when two people stepped in tandem, their chemistry was well matched.

As they came to an open air corridor, Lily stopped. He gave her a curious glance as she took a breath, looking up at the moon as though asking for courage. James took the opportunity to admire the soft freckles across the bridge of her nose, slowly fading from her leftover summer abroad. He'd often imagined counting them, placing soft kisses over every one. And quite suddenly, he knew what had to be done.

"Don't." His voice was rough with emotion and it caused a small line to appear between her eyebrows. He brought his hand up to her cheek, his thumb smoothing over the small line and one delicately arched eyebrow.

Lily's lips had parted, her deep green eyes reflecting a forest of stars as she stared up at him. Something snapped inside of his chest, a sharp twang and a rushing awful pain. He stepped into her, she stepped back, her eyes never leaving his face. He moved forward until his body pressed hers back into a pillar, feeling her shiver at every point of contact. Slowly, he leaned forward until his shadow blotted out the stars in her eyes and left them dark and so very deep he fell into them.

The kiss in itself was just a kiss, but the reality of it was so much more. Their lips met, cool from the night air, warming as they melted into each other. It was weeks of tension and the driving question of more. It was an entire summer of exchanged letters and bone deep wanting. It was a year of anguish, forgiveness, and leaving childhood behind. It was the story of a spoiled boy who knew nothing of the real world and the vivacious girl who dared to tell him no.

He kissed her softly, the air rushing through his head as a spark ignited. The kiss deepened into something desperate as she let out a small whimper, her arms wrapping around his neck and her legs hooking over his hips as he lifted her up against the pillar for easier access. He pressed into her and her legs locked around him, his hands in stroking over her hips and down her thighs. She made a sound at the back of her throat as his hands ran upwards over her silhouette, coming up to frame her face and smooth her hair back, running his fingers through the soft strands as he tilted her head to the side. Her fingertips dug into his back and one of her hands fisted in his hair. Closer and closer, her body wrapped around him as he tried to press deeper into her, and still it was not close enough.

James was the first to break the kiss, his head ducking down to rest on her shoulder as he placed soft kisses over her neck, a murmur spilling from his lips. It wasn't until he heard her whisper his name that he realized he'd been saying her name over and over again.

James released her slowly and they both shuddered as her body slid down the length of his. He was loath giving up the feel of her and remained pressed against her, holding her to him.

"James," she murmured his name, a soft sigh. "We can't do this now."

He nodded against her shoulder and straightened, resting his forehead against hers. "I know you need time. And you know I'll be here." He wrapped his arms around her and placed a soft kiss on her head as she rested more completely against him. "Stay for hols, Lil, I'll stay with you. Or better yet come home with me. You can beat Sirius at mugs on Christmas and we'll ring in Boxing Day together. It'll be brilliant."

"You know I can't do that, James. It's just one more thing I need to do for myself." she insisted.

He released a breath in frustration. "But why, Lily? I know how hard this has been for you, why should you have to go back? It only makes you miserable. I thought that was why you went abroad last summer, to get away from the reminder." He held her shoulders as he tried to press his point home. "Being together means you don't have to do this alone."

She looked up at him, and there was such sadness in her look. "I know it's not easy for you to understand, but the muggle world was where I grew up; it's a part of me. It's where I spent more than half of my life. And just because they're gone doesn't mean I can just disregard that." Her hands came up to his face and she looked at him seriously. "I know this is hard, and I know it's not fair to you, but I need you to understand. I have to know I can be on my own before I can be with you. I won't give you a broken version of myself; it wouldn't be fair to you or me."

James' voice was gentle as he replied. "But you'll be going home to an empty house. You won't find your parents there and we both know Petunia isn't going to be any help."

"Maybe," Lily continued, just only a little unsteadily. "But I need to know that I can face it. I ran away over the summer; I ran away from that empty house, from Petunia and myself, and I ran away from you." Her hands entwined with his own at their sides. "But I'm not running anymore." Her voice was firm this time, a reminder of the girl she had been and the woman she was becoming.

James sighed and ran a hand through his hair, a self conscious habit he'd picked up as a child. There wasn't anything he could say, but "Alright." He didn't understand, not entirely, but he'd support her regardless and he told her as much. She smiled at him, and though it didn't erase is misgivings it did make it worth it.

The next morning found James slowly packing up some last minute things for the journey home. Sirius had gone down to breakfast with Remus, the two of them being the more organized of the bunch. It always amazed James that no matter how much the delinquent Sirius appeared to be, his strict upbringing always found moments to peek through.

Peter gave James a sympathetic look as he finished packing. "She'll come around, Prongs. Don't worry so much."

James sighed. "That easy to read, am I?"

"Nah, you've just got that Lily face that you get when it's something about her."

James scowled at him as he shut his trunk. "I do not have a Lily face."

"Do too."

James rolled his eyes as they walked down to breakfast, where Peter consulted Sirius on the Lily face.

"Do too." Sirius said, buttering his toast.

"I do not!"

"And how would you know? I'm fairly certain you've broken all the mirrors in our room with that face of yours." Sirius tossed back at him, taking a rude bite out of his toast.

"I'm sorry; I know how you need them to get off on your pretty face." James replied with a sneer.

"Why James, I didn't know you felt that way about me." Sirius said with raised eyebrows. James made a face and shot him a rude hand gesture as Peter and Remus laughed.

It was with a sense of foreboding that James boarded the train for King's Cross with his friends. This would be their last Christmas as students, but already it felt as though they were entering a new time in their lives. James and Sirius would be spending the holidays together, either at Sirius' flat or at one of the very empty Potter properties. Remus and Peter were invited of course and would join them later in the break. Even so, there was a small hollow feeling in James' chest, a sadness that had everything to do with the time of year and the death of his parents.

Sirius clapped him on the shoulder as they got off the train. "Don't think so hard, you'll get a headache."

James gave him a sad smile. "I'll be alright."

Sirius nodded and went to go grab their trunks. James turned around, searching the crowds and was promptly seized by his shirt and jerked down for a kiss. Before he could react, Lily whispered something in his ear and rushed off towards the throng of gathering families.

James brought a hand up to fun through his hair as he stared after her. His chest was filled to bursting. If love was supposed to be as great as everyone made it out to be then why did it have to hurt so damn much?

Lily turned once to look at him, her eyes holding her words, before she disappeared into the crowd.

He began to understand a little better; love was singularly the worst and best feeling in the world.


End file.
